Years ago, I started a blog as a personal creative outlet. Then I moved across the country and it became a way for friends and family to follow along. Next, it made the change to motherhood with me and I wrote about my kids and mothering.
But all along the way, I tried too hard to be what I thought a “ministry blogger,” “mommy blogger,” or “homemaker blogger” was supposed to be. I lost myself, and being lost burned me out. I realized that the blog just no longer fit into my personal mission or purpose. It wasn’t driving anything meaningful, but it was taking up time and mental space. And so I let it go. I had other outlets to pour into.
About a year ago, I watched the door close on fourteen years of youth ministry. One by one, my gifts and abilities were rendered obsolete in that context and I became a body taking up space in the room each week. I wrestled and prayed, cried and cried out, and finally accepted that God was drawing me away from something I had loved for so long. I grieved that loss hard.
So now what? I love to encourage people. I love to tell stories. I love to connect with others. And most of all, I love helping others understand just how deeply God loves them and wants to use them. Many years ago, I believe God told me “I created you to reveal My words to other people.” But suddenly I found myself without an outlet for that purpose. I felt like God was positioning me for something new, but I didn’t have a clear picture of it yet.
“Have you thought about putting some of these thoughts on your blog?” Jon asked me one night while we talked about life and ministry. I brushed it off. The blog was so disorganized and out-of-date, it just wasn’t the right place.
“You know, the church blog is always looking for contributors. I think you have some ideas that would work well there,” a friend told me. Jon pointed out, “Most speakers get started by writing first.” My life is so drastically different than it used to be, I thought, there’s no way I could find the time and energy to do it well.
“Katie, have you ever considered blogging? This is the kind of thing I would love to read.” A trusted mentor asked the question over dinner one night. “You know, I’ve been thinking about suggesting that you take up blogging again,” my best friend admitted a couple days later, “but I’ve been hesitant to bring it up knowing how busy you’ve been.”
Ok, Jesus. I can take a two-by-four to the head.
“I think it’s time to resurrect the blog,” I told Jon. “Yeah,” he answered, “I think you’re right.” I’ve been resisting. I’ve brushed it aside and made excuses. But if this is the next step God has for me, then I will take it. Lord, help me.