Friday, March 01, 2013

In my dreams

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: My brain is weird and twisted.

Ok, so maybe that's not much of a secret. Or really a secret at all. I can pretend, can't I? But never does this manifest itself quite so obviously as when I'm pregnant and sleeping. Yes. Sleeping.You see, I have strange dreams when I'm not pregnant - Jonny likens then to MC Escher paintings when I try to describe them to him. But when I'm pregnant, all bets are off and anything can (and does!) happen. When I try to describe pregnancy dreams, Jon's first reaction is always "You should start blogging these."

So, in that spirit, here is one of my more recent dreams for your entertainment...

It started out with going into labor - pretty normal pregnancy dream, right? Only when we got to the hospital,  suddenly doctors discovered that there wasn't just one baby in there - there were six! And yes, I delivered every single one of them individually and naturally - epidurals don't even make it into my dreams. Things started to get weird (as if undetected sextuplets wasn't strange enough?) when the nurses started asking Jon to name them.

They were really pressuring Jonny that the babies needed to have names right away and he couldn't wait to talk to me. So, we ended up using both our planned boy's and girl's names on the first two babies (you thought I was going to spill there, didn't you?). Then the second boy was Jonathan Mark Jr. If you know me, you know I generally try to avoid obvious or frequently-used family names, so you know I would never choose that myself. The third boy was supposed to be Carlos, but Jonny spelled it "Carlios," so everyone was pronouncing it "Car-lee-ose." I was super annoyed.

When it was time to name the girls, my brain must've been really struggling, because it gets even weirder. The second girl was introduced to me as "Oregano." Yep. Oregano. I don't even know. And apparently dream-Jonny couldn't even scrape the bottom of the barrel by the time he got to the last little girl. The hospital staff had dressed her in a onesie with mini-golf clubs and a windmill on it that said "Little Putt Putt." So Jonny named her, you guessed it, Little Putt Putt. Little Putt Putt?! For real - you can't make this stuff up.

I was already upset over all the names when I started realizing what it was going to take to try to nurse all six babies. Doing the math in my head, I figured I could do two at a time. If each pair took half an hour, it would take me and hour and a half each time I nursed. If newborns have to nurse every two hours, that would leave me with only half an hour between each feeding. Totally overwhelmed.

The breaking point came when it was time to leave the hospital. I remembered that we didn't have six car seats - we only have one. I panicked over where the money for five more car seats was going to come from. And then it dawned on me that we didn't have six available seats between our cars in which to put all those babies. I started to melt down because I was sure they wouldn't let us take everyone home if we couldn't get them all at once. At this point I think I woke up, wondering what on earth had just happened.

Jonny likes to tease me by praying at night for our Little Putt Putt. And that's legit. Who names a child Little Putt Putt - even in their sleep?

So, have you had any crazy pregnancy dreams that you can remember?


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