Monday, October 20, 2008

Provision

This week I have finally been able to clear my thoughts, and more importantly, my prayers in the wake of Zach's death. I know that grief is a process, and I am watching many of the students go through it to varying degrees. I know that I am also going through it in my own way (like trouble sleeping, vivid dreams, absent-mindedness, etc.). But I also know that God has historically brought me through pains and hurts very quickly - more quickly than I ever expect.

As I came out of my fog, I took some time the other night to go through some of my journals from before Fall Camp to remind myself of where I had been with the Lord before tragedy turned my whole being upside down and inside out.

I came across the prayer of thankfulness I'd written just a few nights before camp. As I began to read it, I was amazed. Some parts of it were as if I'd written them after the accident and the week that ensued. Here are just a few examples:

Lord, I love You for Your faithfulness. I am so tankful that you have never left me or abandoned me... I thank you for guiding my path... I thank You for Your wisdom and discernment that allow me to separate past hurts and scars form present blessings. I love Your fullness and wholeness that You have covered me with, and I love Your arms wrapped around me with warmth and love and protection....

I praise You for using me and always being near me... I thank You for reminding me of Your sovereignty and control, and for always giving me Your words so that I never have to rely on my own inadequate ones. I praise You for Your wisdom and strength and grace and power to do do things things so far outside of myself...

I love Your quick work. I thank You for... pulling me straight through to recovery. I rejoice in Your covering and protection over me... Thank You for bringing me through trials and fire; for never leaving me and granting me strength. I love You refreshing and renewing that comes when You heal the burns from those fires...


I am in awe of a God who knows our needs - who knew my needs - before we even know what they are.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
-Romans 8:26

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