Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Direction

I want a roadmap - for my life. I want to know details about the who, where, and what for the next twenty years. That would make every today a little easier, or so I think.

Unfortunately, it doesn't really work that way, and I'm stuck living in this today. I've been kind of going through a personal crisis lately (and by kind of, I mean desperately stuck in one). Poor Jon has seen and experienced every side and shade of my emotional range in the last couple weeks, and I'm so thankful for such an incredible man who puts up with me at my worst, and still seems to like me anyway. If it weren't for both him and my church family, I would really be coming completely apart... seams or no!

Probably the biggest thing killing both me and my confidence is my employment. I'm two years out of school and no further than I started. Despite my high recommendations from administrators, support staff, and coworkers, I did not get rehired after losing my job to budget cuts last year. So I'm subbing, and the subbing has been slow. Even the caller apologizes for how slow it's been. I'm seriously short on cash, and the prospects aren't looking good. The chances of getting a job for this school year are next to nothing, and if the levy in White Bear fails again, my chances of every getting back into the district are nil.

So I have the choice of continuing to hang out and hope subbing pays the bills, or look into something other than teaching. Neither option appeals to me much. I went into teaching, not because it's what I've always wanted to do, but because I felt a calling when it came time to choose a career. I love teaching. It makes me happy, but could I do something else?

Is it a lack of faith to look at other careers? I was so sure that teaching was where I was meant to be, but there are closed doors on every side of me. Am I even capable of doing something else? I feel like I've been so specifically trained to be a teacher, that I have my doubts about whether or not I'm qualified to try something else. I was always told that I should go into a lot of things: business, art, design, sales, performance, management, etc. Teaching is a new passion. Does that mean I should've stuck to my original talents? Or was teaching really the divine inspiration I'd always been waiting for?

Where's my roadmap when I need it?

1 comments:

Perhaps you should open yourself up to other possibilities. It seems as though you might be limiting yourself out of fear to see where God may take you.

For example, have you thought about pursuing teaching in another state?

God puts road blocks in our life for many reasons that we can only ponder about. I certainly never believed I would be in Nebraska right now had you asked me even two and a half years ago. Nevertheless, when I was looking to apply to law schools, I dismissed what I believed was best for me, stretched my applications a little further, and suddenly the decision was easy. It was like I wasn't even making the decision--God had already made it for me.

Trust me, I understand the desire not to leave your boyfriend and your family and your friends behind. But, if things are supposed to work out, they will.

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